Thursday, September 6, 2012

"New Denver"

City and county officials were eager, and very curious, to attend a press conference today by Colorado Representative A. Anderson, who announced a daring new construction plan that would change the face of the entire Denver-Metro area.  Tentatively dubbed “Wall-Rex,” Anderson’s $1.8 billion community cleanup action plan would employ some 6,000 people for more than 2 years in the construction of five immense walls around key cities in the Denver-Metro Area.  Anderson stated that “The areas picked for physical segregation were chosen to separate the normal, hard-working people of our great combined cities from those areas around town that, let’s face it, are populated by overbreeding idiots and rap music fans who drain our great state and are pulling us all down both culturally and fiscally.”  This map gives a rough idea of where the walls will be erected as well as those communities scheduled for attritional eradication.  “This was a targeted and well thought out plan to enclose the worst parts of town without blocking any major highways.  With the exception highway 36 of course… kinda tired of the new age hippies from the Peoples’ Republic Of Boulder cruising their Subaru’s around here,” stated head Wall-Rex project leader V. Mancini.  The walls are each going to be 100 feet high and 100 feet thick with heavily armed guard outposts every couple hundred yards; very similar to China’s Great Wall and just as imposing.  The Wall-Rex project is scheduled to begin in March of next year and has a Fall 2015 estimated completion date.  As shown in the project map, people in the cities of Glendale, Sheridan, Commerce City, Brighton, and vast areas of Aurora will be walled off for as long as it takes for those people to starve and/or kill each other off.  After that, the Wall-Rex team will set to work dismantling these walls and free up these areas for open space, parks and wildlife preserves.  Anderson was also quoted as saying that “… crime rates will fall to an all-time low, freeing up the S.W.A.T. team to man the wall outposts.  We’ll finally be able to flourish culturally and prosper once again as a new united Denver.”  After its long-time bleeding limbs have been amputated, the Wall-Rex team will also be given the extreme honor of re-christening the city ‘New Denver.’   Visit newdenvernow.com to keep up to date on this exciting project and sign up for free text and email alerts as well as for near future employment postings.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

CLASSIC!!!!